Saturday, 30 April 2016

New words,

I’m proud to say at this point in my life, I have a large vocabulary that I only hope expands with time. So if we subtract 8 years from my life, to when I was 8 years old, that is 8 years of learning many new words to add to my vocabulary. 
I also unfortunately have to see that many of the words in my vocabulary are not appropriate words, or there is no kind way to use certain words.

When I was homeschooled and lived at home with just my family, I didn’t really learn what certain things meant. The same way I had not been educated in the means of liking a boy. I lived in a little bubble and when I started real school, my bubble popped. One of the first words I ever misused was 'hot'.

It’s funny to look back on that now, because I probably use the word hot everyday now. Like when I tell my friends Justin Bieber or Harry Styles is hot. But in my 8 year old mind, who had been homeschooled for the majority of my education I thought the word hot was only the opposite of cold. Of course I knew what being handsome or beautiful was but because I had never liked a boy before I didn’t see it the same way. Being beautiful was more based on who the person really was then what they looked like physically.

Quick side note in my story, shouldn’t we view beauty the way my 8 year old self did? Society has warped our view of people. That physical is more important than emotional or spiritual. What we look like is more important than our actions. Did Mother Theresa look like a Victoria Secret model? Probably not but that doesn’t change the way we view her because of all the amazing change she brought to the world. Just a little thought.

Anyways, what I was saying was how I learned the second meaning of the word hot. When I was 8 my main definition was the google definition:
1.having a high degree of heat or a high temperature.

But my classmates quickly taught me the Urban Dictionary definition. (Although the way I learned wasn’t quite what I would have picked)

1.someone thats EXTREMEMLY good looking but not like cute, more like sexy. when they walk by u turn ure head and wish u had a pause button or something.

(also thank you becky for that extremely hilarious definition😂)

So anyways, it was a typical day in grade two and I thought that most things were going well, I had made some friends that were girls and a boy liked me. Which I guess was a big deal in grade two. It must have been near the end of the school year, during warm weather when this happened. Recess had just finished and we were all coming back inside, taking off our shoes and getting ready to go back into class for the last half of the day. Toby was running around the classroom with one of his best friends, his name will be Fred. Toby and Fred were sweating and when they stopped running, they stood in front of me. I simply asked Toby “Are you hot?” because he had so much sweat dripping off of him.
I knew instantly I had said something wrong because the whole class went quiet and looked at me. Then Fred kind of gasped, “You basically just asked him out!” he said.
Yet I was still so confused. What had I even said? And I hardly even understood what it meant to take someone ‘out’. Since I was kind of smart, and some kids proceeded to tell me that hot actually meant ‘cute’ or whatever. But I was still super embarrassed. Not only had I called someone hot in front of everyone, it was the boy that I liked.
Looking back, that is the stupidest thing ever. Everyone at school calls each other hot now. But we were in grade two and I guess that’s just how it was. For the next few years that’s kinda how it went. How I discovered what ‘balls’ meant in a male sense and how I learned words like sexy.
I’m not going to deny, I still learn some unpleasant words every day but I thank Google for being there for me instead of having to embarrass myself in front of my classmates. 

Like who the frick cares if I wanted to play with balls (in the sense of bouncy balls) and I got laughed at by all the boys. But I guess that’s just how we learn sometimes.

Sunday, 24 April 2016

The death of my 7 year old self,

All my life leading up to grade two, I hung out with boys. Yes I had a few friends that were girls, but I spent most time with my brothers, and their friends. For the most part growing up my best friend was a boy and I liked hanging out with them more then girls. I understood them better.
The girls in grade two were so complicated. They fighted over things that weren’t worth fighting over. They talked about boys, and finally  I had a boy to talk about. But I soon discovered that all the girls liked Toby, and I decided not to tell the other girls who I liked. It was my secret.

One day at recess, I was hanging out with a boy named Cole and we were just talking. I didn’t want to hang out with the girls, and I don’t remember why he wasn’t hanging out with the boys. Cole asked me the biggest question anybody could ask in grade two. In fact everyone asks still today when I’m 16. Like honestly does it really matter who someone likes? What if they like more than one person or nobody? 
But anyways Cole asked me who I liked. And for some reason, I thought, he’s a boy he won’t care and I also wanted to be accepted by him because I wanted to be his friend. So I told him I liked Toby. And what did he do right after that? Cole proceeded to run over to the group of boys and tell all of them that I liked Toby. Coincidentally, that day Toby was away and so he wasn’t there to hear Cole tell all the boys I liked him. But I was horrified, I knew too well that the next day when Toby came back all the boys would tell him.

I went home that night so upset. I remembered crying myself to sleep. I lay in bed thinking about how I could convince my parents to change schools, so I would never have to go back to school. I wanted to die. It was the worst day of my life. 

The next day I woke up. I did not want to go to school, but I could not tell my parents what was wrong. Maybe the boys wouldn’t tell Toby… But that was not the case. The boys did tell Toby, but I found out, that Toby liked me too.

-The Girl Next Door <3

Saturday, 2 April 2016

My first crush,

It was a typical day of grade two. I had just finished my morning classes and it was time for lunch break. My friend, let’s call her Beth, had a broken leg, which meant she didn’t have to go play outside for recess. Every day she would choose two friends to stay inside with her. This particular day, I was one of her choices. I can’t say I quite remember what we were doing that particular day but we decided to do something really secretive. Beth asked me, who I had a crush on. I didn’t even know what that really meant, why would I like a boy? They were my friends, did she mean like my mom and dad who were married? Beth told me we had to go to the desk of the boy we liked and kiss the top of the desk. I let her go first. She kissed the top of the desk of a boy, he can be called Toby. He’s so cute, Beth told me. Then it was my turn, so I thought of all the boys in my grade two class. Who was cute? I picked a boy named John. I went and found his desk and kissed the top. I guess I made the wrong choice though, because Beth’s face was scrunched together when I looked up. You like John? She asked me, but he’s so gross and he always picks his nose. 
How was I supposed to know who to pick? I hardly had been in the class for a month, I hardly knew all the boy’s names, and I had never liked anyone before. 
It wasn’t till weeks later as I sat in carpet time, I realized what being cute meant, Toby was cute. He had these blue eyes, floppy hair, and a little chip in one tooth when he smiled. He always made me laugh. And then I knew what Beth meant about having a crush. I had a crush on Toby.

-The Girl Next Door <3