I guess there’s not really a how in why it all started but more of a who. There’s a when too. Grade 7, well atlas that’s when I first really felt it…but I guess it happened with a decision made a little bit before that. I had this amazing best friend that I literally did everything with. We spent so much time together and I loved her dearly. But it was her sister who had some troubles at the school I went to. So they decided to pull both girls out of our school after my friend finished grade 6. Of course I was devastated but I thought it would be okay because I liked the other kids in my class and I thought they liked me pretty well too. I still did everything with that girl throughout the summer and when I started school again in grade 7, I thought everything would be fine, but it wasn’t. Everyone else already had their friends groups, and although I felt like I had a few friends, I didn’t have a best friend and I didn’t get invited to people’s houses. I hang out with the whole group of girls but I still felt all alone. I felt separate from everyone else. This was also the time when school started to become real and not everyone could pull good grades anymore. But I never had any trouble in school and I was still getting ‘A’s in everything. But somehow that only separated me more from everyone else. I started getting called names like “Einstein’s daughter” and “alien” which I guess could be considered compliments in a way but those words did hurt. Not because they were necessarily mean words but because they made me feel left out from everyone else.
Also through this time I started to realize that I was kinda chubby compared to the other girls. That was not just a ‘oh I feel fat’ kind of thing, I actually was chubby. All through the good years I had been a skinny kid and I was short compared to everyone else so everyone always told me I was small, so I felt small even when I started gaining weight in grade 6. I guess that’s sort of a blessing that I didn’t feel fat till a little later in my life. But self image really started to come into play in grade 7. And I was a determined girl, I didn’t not want to stay looking the way I did. So I cut junk food out of my diet, I started to eat really healthy and go for runs. It was probably a combination of growing taller and the healthy food and exercise but I started to thin out a lot. And I started to feel just a little bit happier.